the deafening silence sets the hour.. he sits, hoping, waiting for the little blue light to flash.
unknowing of his loves true pain, feeling or emotion behind the text she types.
realizing his faults: his ignorance, his stupid blundering ways, his inability to empathize, his cold but overly caring ways,
his arrogant stupidity, his frustration that gives birth to aggression and spite born from his own inability to just state his true feelings!
he thinks so much that he overlooks and just misses the point!, the true line of reason, the things that are far more important than his own pathetic feelings and insignificant thoughts! he expects too much, and not enough of himself!
is he just hopeless? NO!!.. this is not the man that he really is!!
why dose he do this? why dose he not simply just focus? he has become the very thing that he hated and despised!!
the thing that stupidly, unintentionally, upsets his one and only love!
he knows how to stop this! but how long will it take?..
not quick enough!
he now sees the problems in himself, but the solutions take up time and mental resources!..
not enough time? too much to ask as of?
he ponders, he thinks, and...
he's thinking too much again!?
he typed words of similarity to previous blind ignorance!
she dose not see what is behind the device, she cannot sense the burning aura on the other end of the line!?
why should she!?
why would she!?
how could she!?
when it is him that cannot seem to tolerate her inability to be reasoned with or lack of understanding!
why should she be reasonable with him, when she has been so hurt, so damaged, so insulted!?
why should she understand me? it is his own stupid arrogance to expect to be understood!! he is not deserving of it!
why should it matter to me? i love her!!
she can emotionally tare me to shreds and be my monster! it matters not!
i accept it as part of who and what she is.
i would drive myself in to my own destruction out of my burning love for her.
even if she dose not appreciate it? who gives a fuck!? for she is the one for whom i breath!, for whom i nourish myself,
for whom i would dedicate my worthless life to! if she would just allow it!!
she gives my life true value.
if she could just allow me to!
if she could just count on me to!
if she could give me the chance to show this mental, unconditional, selfless, long suffering love i have for her!!
if she just knew what immense joy and happiness she can give to me!!
why dose she not just see the being i really am!?
"miserable man that i am!!"